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Dear Jane,

It has been far too long since last we wrote each other. I know that we both are very busy, but I had a spare moment so I decided to place my pen to paper. Thus far it has been a delightful week. I am settling into my new job with an ease I did not expect. My coworkers have been endlessly kind to me and I feel as though I have fallen into a windfall of luck. While I shall miss certain individuals from my previous vocation I dare say I shall not miss the job one bit. As you may be able to tell, my new position has much improved my station, countenance, and mantle.

But not actually.

Hey, ho. Long time no write. Miss your face, it’s been too long since I got to hug you. So much to catch you up on. The new job is awesome. I really can’t believe I lucked out like this. Every time they swipe my ID at the gym I wait for the guard to tell me I don’t belong. I’ve been to the gym twice this week. I am working my way up to being able to job a 5k. There’s Foam Fest 5k in June that looks like it’ll be a blast and is far enough away that I will be in shape for it. You remember the last time I tried to run a 5k? Yup! Bam! Pilodinal cyst and pain meds = no warrior run for me. I don’t anticipate any ER/Urgent Care visits in my near future.

About a month ago I attended the first ever NYC Porn Festival that was put on by PornHub – not my favorite porn site, but I am appreciative of them hosting. I attended events on all three days, some were worth it and others weren’t. I really enjoyed the presentation by MakeLoveNotPorn.tv (Pro Sex, Pro Porn, Pro Knowing the Difference). Their mission is to make “real sex” available to the public because the majority of our generation’s sex knowledge base is porn which gives all parties involved unrealistic expectations. As Ducky Doolittle said at the presentation I went to at MoSex an age and a half ago, porn is full of “stunt pussies.” They hand pick people whose pussies, dicks, etc. can do things that the average person can’t (without a ton of practice and staging).

So, MakeLoveNotPorn asks people to submit their real sex tapes, which are then carefully curated to ensure they aren’t porn and then they post them. You can rent the videos for $5 for three weeks of viewing and half of the fee goes to the MakeLoveNotPornstars. This system is different than typical porn where the porn stars are paid a flat rate for their performance and see absolutely none of the returns on the video even if it becomes THE most popular porno EVER. It’s an amazing idea and I whole-heartedly support it. I actually rented a video from them, which made my conversation with my credit card company fun when I called to life the freeze on my card.

“And this five dollar purchase from www.mlnp.tv?”

“Oh! The sex video, yeah, that was me. It’s a new thing.”

Meanwhile my roommate and her friend were dying at the kitchen table from laughing too hard.

Not much else has happened since then, but this weekend is looking busy! PACH conference Saturday, Legacy of the Witch on Sunday, and Tuesday I am going to a reading for the book Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed (a collection of essays on the decision not to have children).

Love, snuggles, and #realsex,